People -
Jokes about professions, famous people, etc.
Can You Read This
A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. He then rushed off. At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time to get yourself to the hospital!
A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. He then rushed off. At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time to get yourself to the hospital!
Four Catholic Ladies
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country
Cross country
Loterry
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, what would you do if I won the lottery?"
The wife replies "Take half and leave your ass!"
"Okay, I won $12 take $6 and get the hell out!"
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, what would you do if I won the lottery?"
The wife replies "Take half and leave your ass!"
"Okay, I won $12 take $6 and get the hell out!"
Private School Girls
How many Private School Girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, the girl just holds onto it and the world starts to revolve around her.
How many Private School Girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, the girl just holds onto it and the world starts to revolve around her.
Social Workers
How many Social Workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb must want to change.
How many Social Workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb must want to change.
Not Happy!
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started...
Dad
Q: How many dads does is take to change a light bulb.
A: Only 1, but it will take him 3 hours explaining how he will do it.
Q: How many dads does is take to change a light bulb.
A: Only 1, but it will take him 3 hours explaining how he will do it.
Guy and God
One day, a man was talking to God.
He asked him " God, what is a million years to you"?
God replied "a second".
The guy then asked "God, what is a million dollars to you"?
God replied "a penny".
So the man then thinks about this for a moment and asks "God, may I borrow a penny"?
God then replies "Sure, just a second".
One day, a man was talking to God.
He asked him " God, what is a million years to you"?
God replied "a second".
The guy then asked "God, what is a million dollars to you"?
God replied "a penny".
So the man then thinks about this for a moment and asks "God, may I borrow a penny"?
God then replies "Sure, just a second".
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