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Bob The Chicken
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'
Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past.. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never,' said Bob.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....
BOB, wake up. You shit the bed!'
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'
Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past.. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never,' said Bob.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....
BOB, wake up. You shit the bed!'
Beer And Lottery
So a boy and his dad were fishing. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough."
Several months pass and they go fishing again. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough yet."
A year passes and they go fishing once more. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough."
Christmas comes around and the dad gives his son a lottery ticket for 15 million dollars. Coincidentally, the boy wins the lottery. The Dad asks his son, "Can you split half with me?" The boy replies "Can your penis reach your ass-hole?" "Yes!" says the Dad. "Then go fuck yourself."
So a boy and his dad were fishing. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough."
Several months pass and they go fishing again. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough yet."
A year passes and they go fishing once more. The boy says to the dad, "Can I have a beer, Dad?" "Does your penis reach to your ass-hole?" the Dad replies. "No." "Well then you aren't old enough."
Christmas comes around and the dad gives his son a lottery ticket for 15 million dollars. Coincidentally, the boy wins the lottery. The Dad asks his son, "Can you split half with me?" The boy replies "Can your penis reach your ass-hole?" "Yes!" says the Dad. "Then go fuck yourself."
Philosoraptor Says:
How come superman can stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when someone throws a gun at him?
How come superman can stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when someone throws a gun at him?
Philosoraptor Says:
If a man says his mind in a forest, and there's no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?
If a man says his mind in a forest, and there's no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?
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