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Child Birth-xkcd
A woman is giving birth. Suddenly, the doctor realizes something.
The baby is crawling BACK into the womb! He says.
What?! The woman is scared.
Yeah, it's the darnest thing! The doctor replies.
What does it mean? The woman asks.
The doctor already has an answer:
My guess? Six more weeks of winter.
A woman is giving birth. Suddenly, the doctor realizes something.
The baby is crawling BACK into the womb! He says.
What?! The woman is scared.
Yeah, it's the darnest thing! The doctor replies.
What does it mean? The woman asks.
The doctor already has an answer:
My guess? Six more weeks of winter.
The Building
A blonde and a brunette are at the roof of a tall building. They both jump off heading straight for the ground. Who hits the ground first?
The bruntte, because the blonde stopped halfway asking for directions.
A blonde and a brunette are at the roof of a tall building. They both jump off heading straight for the ground. Who hits the ground first?
The bruntte, because the blonde stopped halfway asking for directions.
Banana
There are two bananas sitting by a river and a piece of poop floats by. The poop says, "Why don't you come in? The water's fine." The bananas look at each other and say "Can you believe this shit?"
There are two bananas sitting by a river and a piece of poop floats by. The poop says, "Why don't you come in? The water's fine." The bananas look at each other and say "Can you believe this shit?"
The Cure To Spousal Abuse
A woman goes to the doctor one day. She is covered in bruises. The doctor asks,
"What happened to you?"
"Doctor, every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Get some Iced Tea. Everytime your husband comes home, take a drink and swish it around in your mouth. Swish it and swish it until he goes to bed."
The woman leaves and comes back a few weeks later.
She says, "Doctor, it worked! I got some Iced Tea and swished it around until my husband went to bed. How did you know that would work?"
The doctor replies, "See what happens when you keep your mouth shut!"
A woman goes to the doctor one day. She is covered in bruises. The doctor asks,
"What happened to you?"
"Doctor, every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Get some Iced Tea. Everytime your husband comes home, take a drink and swish it around in your mouth. Swish it and swish it until he goes to bed."
The woman leaves and comes back a few weeks later.
She says, "Doctor, it worked! I got some Iced Tea and swished it around until my husband went to bed. How did you know that would work?"
The doctor replies, "See what happens when you keep your mouth shut!"
Honey Rolls
First Guy: heyy do wanna try... My honey rolls?
Second Guy: sure!!
First Guy: I made the frosting... By hand
Second Guy: I can tell! I didn't know you were sucha good cook!
First guy: I really... put myself into it
Second Guy ( while eating a fourth): hey, why do you keep pausing like that?
First Guy: heyy do wanna try... My honey rolls?
Second Guy: sure!!
First Guy: I made the frosting... By hand
Second Guy: I can tell! I didn't know you were sucha good cook!
First guy: I really... put myself into it
Second Guy ( while eating a fourth): hey, why do you keep pausing like that?
Excuse Notes
The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
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