Misc -
Don't really know where these jokes should go.
Hurricanes
They should really name hurricanes black people names. I'd be terrified of hurricane lequisha!
They should really name hurricanes black people names. I'd be terrified of hurricane lequisha!
An Ambitious Hunt
Three men were hunting in a forest when they came upon some strange tracks.
"They're moose tracks," the first one said.
"No, they're dear tracks," said the second.
The third, unfortunately, didn't get to say what they were, because he was hit by a train.
Three men were hunting in a forest when they came upon some strange tracks.
"They're moose tracks," the first one said.
"No, they're dear tracks," said the second.
The third, unfortunately, didn't get to say what they were, because he was hit by a train.
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy long legs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden."
Two nuns from Ireland must traverse through Transylvania by car. They are a bit on edge. Stopped on the side of the road to rest they are startled when suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Turn the wipers on! That will get rid of the abomination!" Sister Helen switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What now?" "Switch on the windshield washer! I filled it up with Holy Water before we left ," says Sister Marilyn. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"My goodness, now what shall we do?" worries Sister Helen. "Show him your cross," says Sister Marilyn.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Helen as she rolls down the window, leans out and screams, "Get the fuck off our car!"
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Turn the wipers on! That will get rid of the abomination!" Sister Helen switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What now?" "Switch on the windshield washer! I filled it up with Holy Water before we left ," says Sister Marilyn. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"My goodness, now what shall we do?" worries Sister Helen. "Show him your cross," says Sister Marilyn.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Helen as she rolls down the window, leans out and screams, "Get the fuck off our car!"
Haha Funny
Stupid,poop,and manors were driving down the road. Manors jumped out and poop chased him. A cop pulled over stupid and asked him for his name he said stupid the cop said really sun what's your name. Stupid said stupid.the cop said were's your manors.stupid said he's out in the field poop is chasing him.
Stupid,poop,and manors were driving down the road. Manors jumped out and poop chased him. A cop pulled over stupid and asked him for his name he said stupid the cop said really sun what's your name. Stupid said stupid.the cop said were's your manors.stupid said he's out in the field poop is chasing him.
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back."
A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched.
Pointing to the pile of sand, the foreman says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom. You tella the Chinesea guy he inna charge of a supplies, but hea disappeara, and I coulda no finda him!"
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks, "Didn't I tell you to shovel that sand?"
The Scotsman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinee in charge of supplies, but I couldna find him!"
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand, looking for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back."
A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched.
Pointing to the pile of sand, the foreman says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom. You tella the Chinesea guy he inna charge of a supplies, but hea disappeara, and I coulda no finda him!"
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks, "Didn't I tell you to shovel that sand?"
The Scotsman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinee in charge of supplies, but I couldna find him!"
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand, looking for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
Who knows what CSI stands for:
Can't stand idiots
Can't stand idiots
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