Mature -
Adult oriented jokes
Pointless
A man walks up to a girl and he goes u suck and walks away then walks away. The next day sme dude goesup to him and puches him in the face and goes thats for making my daughter cry now go apligize. He goes up to her and says its not so bad u suck then her dad kicks him literly out of thee house
A man walks up to a girl and he goes u suck and walks away then walks away. The next day sme dude goesup to him and puches him in the face and goes thats for making my daughter cry now go apligize. He goes up to her and says its not so bad u suck then her dad kicks him literly out of thee house
Wheelchair
A teenage boy agrees to take a girl that's in a wheelchair out on a date. When he gets to her house her dad explains to him how to get her in and out of the car and how to fold up her wheelchair. The young man takes her to a nice restuarnt then to a movie. On the way home she asks him if he wants to go to make out point and do what everybody does at make out point. They boy agrees and they go to make out point. He asks how are they going to have sex with her in a wheelchair? She pulls out a rope and says to tie her up to the tree. So after they get done he takes her home. The dad meets them at the door and sends the girl inside. He asks they boy if they had sex. The boy looks down and says yes. The dad pulls out a hundred dollar bill and gives it to the boy. The young boy is stunned and asks whats it for? The dad replies " most guys just leave her tied to the tree!!"
A teenage boy agrees to take a girl that's in a wheelchair out on a date. When he gets to her house her dad explains to him how to get her in and out of the car and how to fold up her wheelchair. The young man takes her to a nice restuarnt then to a movie. On the way home she asks him if he wants to go to make out point and do what everybody does at make out point. They boy agrees and they go to make out point. He asks how are they going to have sex with her in a wheelchair? She pulls out a rope and says to tie her up to the tree. So after they get done he takes her home. The dad meets them at the door and sends the girl inside. He asks they boy if they had sex. The boy looks down and says yes. The dad pulls out a hundred dollar bill and gives it to the boy. The young boy is stunned and asks whats it for? The dad replies " most guys just leave her tied to the tree!!"
WARNING
WARNING... CONTAINS ADULT THEMES
Three friends walk into a bar.
The waitress asks them what they would like to drink.
One asks for a simple gin in ice
A nother one asks for a hard lemonade
And the last one asks for a bloody Mary.
Moments later she returns and pulls down her pants and lays down on the table.
The three friends are confused and one asks the waitress what she was doing. She replies "you asked for a hard (horny) ginger named marry on her period
WARNING... CONTAINS ADULT THEMES
Three friends walk into a bar.
The waitress asks them what they would like to drink.
One asks for a simple gin in ice
A nother one asks for a hard lemonade
And the last one asks for a bloody Mary.
Moments later she returns and pulls down her pants and lays down on the table.
The three friends are confused and one asks the waitress what she was doing. She replies "you asked for a hard (horny) ginger named marry on her period
Q: What does a penis and a rubex cube have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.
This guy, Artie, gets tired of working so hard and not getting anywhere, and seeing all these guys in the Mafia in their fine three piece suits and fancy cars, decides that he has to join the Mafia.
He goes up to one of the guys and says, " I want to join the Mafia."
The guy answers, " You ever kill anyone for money?"
Artie answers, "No."
The guy says, " Well, you either got to be born into the mafia, or you gotta kill somebody for money."
So Artie says, " How much will you pay me?"
The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."
Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a dollar so I can get in."
The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you what. You kill somebody, tell me about it, and if I see it in the morning paper, I'll pay you a dollar."
Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank you!" and heads off on his mission. He goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an old lady pushing a cart, and decides that she's lived a full life, goes up to her, grabs her round the neck and chokes her to death.
The bag boy sees him, and chases after him. Artie realizes that he can't out run the bag boy, turns around, grabs the bag boy by the neck and chokes him to death.
In the morning paper the headlines read, " ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT RALPHS!"
He goes up to one of the guys and says, " I want to join the Mafia."
The guy answers, " You ever kill anyone for money?"
Artie answers, "No."
The guy says, " Well, you either got to be born into the mafia, or you gotta kill somebody for money."
So Artie says, " How much will you pay me?"
The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."
Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a dollar so I can get in."
The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you what. You kill somebody, tell me about it, and if I see it in the morning paper, I'll pay you a dollar."
Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank you!" and heads off on his mission. He goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an old lady pushing a cart, and decides that she's lived a full life, goes up to her, grabs her round the neck and chokes her to death.
The bag boy sees him, and chases after him. Artie realizes that he can't out run the bag boy, turns around, grabs the bag boy by the neck and chokes him to death.
In the morning paper the headlines read, " ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT RALPHS!"
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, ‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.’ The drunk replies, ‘Boobs.’
A COUPLE was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time"
(As circulated via email)
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time"
(As circulated via email)
If 2 is a couple and 3 is a crowd what is 4 and 5
9
9
A man walks in a bar and says
Ouch
Ouch
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