Submitted Jokes -
The following jokes were submitted for your enjoyment by undertakerXD.
Bait
What do you catch a tiger with?
Tiger-bait
What do you catch a bear with?
Bear-bait
What do you catch a fish with?
Fish-bait
What do you catch an eye master with?
Eye master-bait
What do you catch a tiger with?
Tiger-bait
What do you catch a bear with?
Bear-bait
What do you catch a fish with?
Fish-bait
What do you catch an eye master with?
Eye master-bait
The Mall
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are racing to the mall. Which couple do you think would get there first?
The lesbian couple. They got there lickety split!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are racing to the mall. Which couple do you think would get there first?
The lesbian couple. They got there lickety split!
Sperm Bank
A woman is working in a sperm bank when a masked man runs in and demands her to "bring out all the goods!"
She says, "I'm sorry all we have is sperm." He tells her that's ok.
She returns with the sperm and places it on the counter. The man tells her to drink it and seeing that he has a gun, she complies. Then he tells her to drink another, and another, and another until they're all gone. He finally takes off his mask and reveals himself as her husband.
He says, "See! Now was that so hard?"
A woman is working in a sperm bank when a masked man runs in and demands her to "bring out all the goods!"
She says, "I'm sorry all we have is sperm." He tells her that's ok.
She returns with the sperm and places it on the counter. The man tells her to drink it and seeing that he has a gun, she complies. Then he tells her to drink another, and another, and another until they're all gone. He finally takes off his mask and reveals himself as her husband.
He says, "See! Now was that so hard?"
Bubbles
"Did you blow bubbles when you were little?"
(Yes)
"Well he's back in town and wants your number."
"Did you blow bubbles when you were little?"
(Yes)
"Well he's back in town and wants your number."
Cajoros
A man is visiting Spain. He goes into a very authentic restaurant and asks his waiter what the specials are. The waiter replys, "Well senior, we have Cajoros this week."
The man replied, "I'll have that!" And so the man waits and finally the dish came out but it looked curious to the man so he asked what the meat was.
The waiter said, "That, senior, is the balls of the bull from the bull fight today." The man stared at the dish for a second but finally tried some. He loved it!
The next day the man came bac and asked for the dish again. He devoured it but this time they were salty and really small. He voiced his complaint to the waiter.
The waiter said, "Senior, the bull does not always lose!"
A man is visiting Spain. He goes into a very authentic restaurant and asks his waiter what the specials are. The waiter replys, "Well senior, we have Cajoros this week."
The man replied, "I'll have that!" And so the man waits and finally the dish came out but it looked curious to the man so he asked what the meat was.
The waiter said, "That, senior, is the balls of the bull from the bull fight today." The man stared at the dish for a second but finally tried some. He loved it!
The next day the man came bac and asked for the dish again. He devoured it but this time they were salty and really small. He voiced his complaint to the waiter.
The waiter said, "Senior, the bull does not always lose!"
The Hangover Quotes
"You are literally to stupid to insult." "Thank you!"
"I don't know why they're called 'roofies' if you always end up on the ground."
"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!!"
(After finding a baby in the closet) "Check it's collar or some thing."
(After smashing said baby in the face) "Are my glasses ok?"
"You are literally to stupid to insult." "Thank you!"
"I don't know why they're called 'roofies' if you always end up on the ground."
"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!!"
(After finding a baby in the closet) "Check it's collar or some thing."
(After smashing said baby in the face) "Are my glasses ok?"
Excuse Notes
The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven't seen them, I'm sure you will get a kick out of them:
"Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel."
"Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing."
"George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout."
"Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."
"Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face."
"My son is under doctor's care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels."
What's the Difference?
What is the difference between a porcupine and an FBI agent?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What is the difference between a porcupine and an FBI agent?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
