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Cards You'll Never See In Hallmark
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife. " "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby? " "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. " "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you. " "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking? " "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. " "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. " "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy... " "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this! " "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. " "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. " "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine. " "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike! "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise. " "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. " "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits. " "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here. " "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? " "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. " "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep. " "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! " (available only in Arkansas)"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife. " "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby? " "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. " "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you. " "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking? " "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. " "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. " "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy... " "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this! " "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. " "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. " "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine. " "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike! "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise. " "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. " "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits. " "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here. " "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? " "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. " "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep. " "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! " (available only in Arkansas)"
Jupiter
Yo momma so fat, she had to move to Jupiter to sit down. And when she did, Jupiter fell out of orbit.
Yo momma so fat, she had to move to Jupiter to sit down. And when she did, Jupiter fell out of orbit.
Valuable Lesson
Valuable Lesson of the Day:
When taking a picture of your eye, remember to turn off the flash.
How it was learned:
Attempting to take a picture of my eye a couple times forgetting to turn the flash off.
Valuable Lesson of the Day:
When taking a picture of your eye, remember to turn off the flash.
How it was learned:
Attempting to take a picture of my eye a couple times forgetting to turn the flash off.
Best Friends
Best Friends:
These are the people that know how weird you are and still go out with you in public:)
Best Friends:
These are the people that know how weird you are and still go out with you in public:)
"The crap you hear about me may be true, but then again it could be as fake as the bitch who told you..."
Girls Summed Up
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Let's have a deep conversation online tonight, and then act like it never happened tomorrow when we see each other in "real life".
For The Dirty Minds
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
No... It's a 100 dollar bill.
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
No... It's a 100 dollar bill.
Teacher: a person who helps you solve problems you'd never have without them.
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