Funny Quotes -
Funny quotes from comedians, or other well know people.
Shame.
People will type in "u" and your iphone will automatically correct to "you", then they will delete that and still type in "u".
Why?!
People will type in "u" and your iphone will automatically correct to "you", then they will delete that and still type in "u".
Why?!
"Parents may tell you how stupid it was of you to go and hurt yourself. But what's really stupid is to hurt yourself and continue to do what you did to hurt yourself."
-Leo Rosten.
-Leo Rosten.
Dave Chapelle
"I'm one of the people who are so smart that they are uncomfortable in this world... For example, I read the other day that there was a serial rapist in Houston, Texas. And serial rape isn't funny... BUT... what's noteworthy about this serial rapist is that all his victims... Were men. Enjoy your evening."
-Dave Chapelle
The Laugh Factory California
"I'm one of the people who are so smart that they are uncomfortable in this world... For example, I read the other day that there was a serial rapist in Houston, Texas. And serial rape isn't funny... BUT... what's noteworthy about this serial rapist is that all his victims... Were men. Enjoy your evening."
-Dave Chapelle
The Laugh Factory California
Did You Trip?
Kid 1: Did you just trip?
Kid 2:Noooooo I attacked the floor
Kid 1:you attacked the floor backwards?
Kid 2: don't judge me I fucking talented
Kid 1: Did you just trip?
Kid 2:Noooooo I attacked the floor
Kid 1:you attacked the floor backwards?
Kid 2: don't judge me I fucking talented
:C) <-- Big Nose
I hated my ex-girlfriend... After we had sex she started dressing up as a fat version of herself... So... I dumped her...
That's messed up...
Dude! It's a joke! I think I know what pregnancy looks like...
I hated my ex-girlfriend... After we had sex she started dressing up as a fat version of herself... So... I dumped her...
That's messed up...
Dude! It's a joke! I think I know what pregnancy looks like...
Spongebob taught me how to love everyone even if their mean to me.
Patrick taught me that I should be myself even if everyone else thinks im dumb.
Squidward taught me that music is life even if others hate the kind i like.
Mr.Krabs taught me the value of a dollar. Pearl taught me that you should always be prepared for any sitioution. Plankton taught me that I should go after something if I really want it even if I fail every time I try to get it. And Sandy taught me to never forget where I come from...
Patrick taught me that I should be myself even if everyone else thinks im dumb.
Squidward taught me that music is life even if others hate the kind i like.
Mr.Krabs taught me the value of a dollar. Pearl taught me that you should always be prepared for any sitioution. Plankton taught me that I should go after something if I really want it even if I fail every time I try to get it. And Sandy taught me to never forget where I come from...
Sigh.
To ever lady out there who asks where all the nice guys are...
Here are places they don't exist in: Your friends list on Facebook, in your mind, on your phone, and in your perspective on what you see.
To ever lady out there who asks where all the nice guys are...
Here are places they don't exist in: Your friends list on Facebook, in your mind, on your phone, and in your perspective on what you see.
Showing 81 to 90 of 574 jokes.
