Funny Quotes -
Funny quotes from comedians, or other well know people.
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-Rodney Dangerfield.
-Rodney Dangerfield.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city."
-George Burns.
-George Burns.
"She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech."
-George Bernard Shaw
-George Bernard Shaw
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
-Elaine Boosle
-Elaine Boosle
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?"
-Linda Ellerbee
-Linda Ellerbee
"The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk."
-Patrick Murray.
-Patrick Murray.
"A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer's mouth without a fee."
-Barton Holyday.
-Barton Holyday.
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
-Henry Kissinger.
-Henry Kissinger.
"I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an Arctic region covered with ice."
-Steve Martin
-Steve Martin
"A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein but with the attention span of Daffy Duck."
-Tom Shales talking about Robin Williams
-Tom Shales talking about Robin Williams
Showing 501 to 510 of 574 jokes.
