Gender -
Jokes that make fun of gender differences
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Key Differences:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."
Male Honesty
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."
Husband: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."
Wife: "Nothing."
Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"
Showing 111 to 120 of 120 jokes.
