Mature -
Adult oriented jokes
What Is It?
A man slept with a prostitute and immediately afterwards, the woman died. The man was horrified and suddenly heard a voice in his head that was God speaking to him. The voice said "You cannot sleep with anymore women or they will die as well and you will lose 10 years of your life as well. The man abides by this for 20 years out of pure fear. One day, being drunk and stupid, he picks up someone at a bar named Jacqueline. He goes to his apartment and sleeps with Jacqueline. He wakes up the next morning and realizes in amazement that nothing happened. He goes to the church and asks God "Why didn't she die? Why haven't I aged 10 years?" The voice in his head laughs and replies in a booming voice "You were so intoxicated you didn't notice weren't you?" The man says "I remember waking up next to a strange woman that I slept with last night." The man looks confused, and asks again "Why haven't I aged and she died?". God says "You didn't sleep with a woman, you slept with a cross dresser named Jack, it doesn't count."
A man slept with a prostitute and immediately afterwards, the woman died. The man was horrified and suddenly heard a voice in his head that was God speaking to him. The voice said "You cannot sleep with anymore women or they will die as well and you will lose 10 years of your life as well. The man abides by this for 20 years out of pure fear. One day, being drunk and stupid, he picks up someone at a bar named Jacqueline. He goes to his apartment and sleeps with Jacqueline. He wakes up the next morning and realizes in amazement that nothing happened. He goes to the church and asks God "Why didn't she die? Why haven't I aged 10 years?" The voice in his head laughs and replies in a booming voice "You were so intoxicated you didn't notice weren't you?" The man says "I remember waking up next to a strange woman that I slept with last night." The man looks confused, and asks again "Why haven't I aged and she died?". God says "You didn't sleep with a woman, you slept with a cross dresser named Jack, it doesn't count."
Ok there was a mexican Russian and American.the Mexican was drinking takila the Russian was drinking vodka and the American was drinking beer.(the Russian walks away)the Mexican throws up his takila pulls out his pistal and shoots it.the American says omg y did u shoot that you just wasted that the Mexican says were I come from we have plenty of that.(the Russian comes back and does the same thing as the Mexican.so the American throws up his beer shoots the mexican three dimes in the head.the Russian says omg y did u do that!the American says were I come from we have plenty of that.
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Every time I go on an application made by Downshift, I always shout "I DON'T WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!"
I really hate advertisements...
Every time I go on an application made by Downshift, I always shout "I DON'T WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND!"
I really hate advertisements...
O.o
I never understood the "Takes one to know one" comeback logic.
If you know someones dead, doesn't that mean your dead?
If you know someone is a homosexual, doesn't that make you a homosexual?
Or if you know somebody is the opposite sex of you, doesn't that make you that certain sex?!
I never understood the "Takes one to know one" comeback logic.
If you know someones dead, doesn't that mean your dead?
If you know someone is a homosexual, doesn't that make you a homosexual?
Or if you know somebody is the opposite sex of you, doesn't that make you that certain sex?!
Elephant Vs Camel
An elephant asks a camel: why do you have 2 boobs on your back? The camel replies: why do you have a dick on your face?
An elephant asks a camel: why do you have 2 boobs on your back? The camel replies: why do you have a dick on your face?
Feeling' Good
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that?" the host asked.
Her reply. . . "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks
. . . anyone can!"
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that?" the host asked.
Her reply. . . "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks
. . . anyone can!"
Funny
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team
A. Cuz all the Mexicans that can run jump and swim are already across the border
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team
A. Cuz all the Mexicans that can run jump and swim are already across the border
Showing 21 to 30 of 341 jokes.
