Bar -
Bar jokes, best said in bars.
I like to eat food
Even though it makes me poo
I also like wal-mart
Even though it smells like a fart
I don't think girls are hideous
Even though there idiots
I like my iPod
Even though it is flawed
Even though it makes me poo
I also like wal-mart
Even though it smells like a fart
I don't think girls are hideous
Even though there idiots
I like my iPod
Even though it is flawed
Pirats
A sailor meets a pirate on a bar and the sailor couldn't help but notice the pirate had an eyepatche, peg leg and a hook hand. So the sailor asked about them so the pirate said i got my pegleg when I was washed over board and a shark bit my leg off! Then the sailor asked how did u get ur hook hand ? The pirate replied I was in a fierce with another pirates and cut my hand off. The. The sailor asked how did u get ur eyepatches ? The pirate replied a seagull pooped in my eye. The sailor said you mean to tell me that u lost ur eye just bcuz a seagull pooped in ur eye?!??!?! The pirate said well u see it was the first day I had me hook
A sailor meets a pirate on a bar and the sailor couldn't help but notice the pirate had an eyepatche, peg leg and a hook hand. So the sailor asked about them so the pirate said i got my pegleg when I was washed over board and a shark bit my leg off! Then the sailor asked how did u get ur hook hand ? The pirate replied I was in a fierce with another pirates and cut my hand off. The. The sailor asked how did u get ur eyepatches ? The pirate replied a seagull pooped in my eye. The sailor said you mean to tell me that u lost ur eye just bcuz a seagull pooped in ur eye?!??!?! The pirate said well u see it was the first day I had me hook
My Resolution
I made a new years resolution an hour before new years. No more drinking until next year! And you know what? I kept it. :D
I made a new years resolution an hour before new years. No more drinking until next year! And you know what? I kept it. :D
WARNING
If you consume this alcohol you may begin to think that you're tougher and faster than this huge dude named Chuck. Full name may possibly be *ahem* CHUCK NORRIS. Who by the way has a larger fist than it may appear after consumption of alcohol.
If you consume this alcohol you may begin to think that you're tougher and faster than this huge dude named Chuck. Full name may possibly be *ahem* CHUCK NORRIS. Who by the way has a larger fist than it may appear after consumption of alcohol.
Magic Beer
A lady walks in a bar and asks a man "What are you drinking?"
"Magic beer." he replies
"Magic beer? What's so magic about it?"
The man puts down his beer and flies around the room.
The woman looks at the bartender and says " I'll have what he's having."
The woman receives the beer, drinks it, goes to the top of the building, jumps off, and falls to her death.
The bartender looks at the man and says" You know what? You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
A lady walks in a bar and asks a man "What are you drinking?"
"Magic beer." he replies
"Magic beer? What's so magic about it?"
The man puts down his beer and flies around the room.
The woman looks at the bartender and says " I'll have what he's having."
The woman receives the beer, drinks it, goes to the top of the building, jumps off, and falls to her death.
The bartender looks at the man and says" You know what? You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
Im Blind!
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here! " The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog. " "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me. " The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog. " The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here! "The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog. " The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs. " The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!? "
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here! " The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog. " "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me. " The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog. " The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here! "The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog. " The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs. " The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!? "
What a Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
FREE BEER!!!
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says, 'If you can sit in my basement for a day I'll give you free beer forever.' So the first man says, 'Easy. I can do that.' But he walks out after five minutes and says, 'It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.' So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than 10 minutes. Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later. The others ask him how he did it. He said, 'Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!'
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says, 'If you can sit in my basement for a day I'll give you free beer forever.' So the first man says, 'Easy. I can do that.' But he walks out after five minutes and says, 'It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.' So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than 10 minutes. Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later. The others ask him how he did it. He said, 'Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!'
Fat Blokes
Two fat guys were in a pub, one of the says to the other, "Your round!" the other one is furious, so he shouts, "WELL YOUR A FAT IDOT!!!!
Two fat guys were in a pub, one of the says to the other, "Your round!" the other one is furious, so he shouts, "WELL YOUR A FAT IDOT!!!!
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