Latest Jokes -

Balls!

Friend: Do you play basketball?
Me: *looks down* Do you play miniature golf

Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you just had a baby the newborn part is assumed. No one is going to think you just popped a twelve year old out your snatch

I Can Relate

Can you relate to this:
I would charge my phone five minuets before I leave even though it won't make any difference...

Not Exactly Seeing Out...

Five people were talking and a 6th person tried to get into the conversation that none of them liked. The smartest person in the group looked at him and said "This is an A,B,C,D, and E conversation and you need to Fuck out of it!"

Plane Going Down

A plane is overloaded and will go down if the plane doesn't get lighter. The presidents of America, Mexico, and China are on board with cargo from their respective countries. The Chinese president says "I have too much rice in my country", and throws all the bags of rice out of the plane. The Mexican president says "I have too many tacos in my country", and throws all of the tacos out of the plane. At this point the United States president thinks for a second and suddenly grabs the Mexican president and throws him out of the plane and says "I have too many of those in my country".