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These jokes have received the highest ratings when compared to all the others.
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
-Oliver Herford.
-Oliver Herford.
"An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to."
-Ambrose Bierce
-Ambrose Bierce
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
-Ken Hammond.
-Ken Hammond.
"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer."
-Evelle Younger
-Evelle Younger
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!!
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" [No] Then wink.
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