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"An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to."
-Ambrose Bierce
-Ambrose Bierce
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
-Rodney Dangerfield
-Rodney Dangerfield
Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
Is your shirt felt? (No?) Do you want it to be?
Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" [No] Then wink.
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."
-Woody Allen
-Woody Allen
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blonds in four cars at a four way stop.
A: Four Blonds in four cars at a four way stop.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."
She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."
How many divorced women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4: 1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
4: 1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
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