Bar -
Bar jokes, best said in bars.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He downs it extremely quickly. He then orders and drinks another shot in the same manner. The bartender says, "Dude, you shouldn't drink that so quickly". The man says, "You would if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" The man says, "50 cents!", slams his change on the counter and runs out.
The Trouble
A man runs into a bar and says, "Gimme a free beer before the trouble starts", the bartender does so. The man drank the beer asked for another beer before the trouble starts. He does this another four times, after the 6th beer the bartender asks what the trouble is. The man replies, "I ain't got no money".
A man runs into a bar and says, "Gimme a free beer before the trouble starts", the bartender does so. The man drank the beer asked for another beer before the trouble starts. He does this another four times, after the 6th beer the bartender asks what the trouble is. The man replies, "I ain't got no money".
Farting
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
Fun-Guy
A mushroom walks into a bar, the doorman stops him and says "Why should I let you in?". The mushroom says "Because I am a fungi".
A mushroom walks into a bar, the doorman stops him and says "Why should I let you in?". The mushroom says "Because I am a fungi".
Bar Fun
A guy and his friend went out to a bar. His friend asked him who's that? He says "That's my ex". Then another girl walks in. "Who's that?", he asks again. "That's my current" he says.
Another girl walks into the bar, "Who is that?", his friend asks. "That's my next! Hold my beer. If I'm not back by midnight call the police"
A guy and his friend went out to a bar. His friend asked him who's that? He says "That's my ex". Then another girl walks in. "Who's that?", he asks again. "That's my current" he says.
Another girl walks into the bar, "Who is that?", his friend asks. "That's my next! Hold my beer. If I'm not back by midnight call the police"
Same
Two people sat down at a bar. The first one said, "Where were you born?" The other replied, "Poland". "Me too, let's have another drink. To Poland!". Then the first one said "What school did you go to?". "Saint Helen's, graduated in 1965". "Me too, let's have one more on me."
After two minutes a guy sits down on the opposite side of the two drinkers. "What's going on.", said the man. To which the bartender replies, "Oh, nothing much, just the Parbot twins are drunk again."
Two people sat down at a bar. The first one said, "Where were you born?" The other replied, "Poland". "Me too, let's have another drink. To Poland!". Then the first one said "What school did you go to?". "Saint Helen's, graduated in 1965". "Me too, let's have one more on me."
After two minutes a guy sits down on the opposite side of the two drinkers. "What's going on.", said the man. To which the bartender replies, "Oh, nothing much, just the Parbot twins are drunk again."
Afraid Not
Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one goes to get the drinks but the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind here."
So the second piece goes to get the drinks and the bartender shuts him down just as he did the first string. The third piece thinks for a second, then he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His friends begin tho think he's gone completely nuts. Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Look here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot."
Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one goes to get the drinks but the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind here."
So the second piece goes to get the drinks and the bartender shuts him down just as he did the first string. The third piece thinks for a second, then he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His friends begin tho think he's gone completely nuts. Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Look here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot."
Lawyers
A boy at a bar stands up and says "All lawyers are assholes", another guy stands up and says "I'm offended by that". The boy asks, "Are you a lawyer?" and the man says, "No, I'm an asshole."
A boy at a bar stands up and says "All lawyers are assholes", another guy stands up and says "I'm offended by that". The boy asks, "Are you a lawyer?" and the man says, "No, I'm an asshole."
Free Beer
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."
The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."
The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
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